A few months ago my oldest son, Jackson, told my wife and I that he wanted to play football.  Jackson (11), is the oldest of our boys – his 8 year old brother loves football and has played it into his 4^th season now, and Seth (5) is trying it on for size in his first season.  Jackson is a good athlete, but hasn’t learned what it takes to win, and worse, is really bad at losing and often has a negative attitude about all things new.  For that and other reasons, his mom and I discussed the commitment of the season, the collisions involved, the work of practices (which are more frequent and intense than soccer and basketball) – frankly, I tried to talk him out of it.  Personally, I was excited he wanted to try something new and because I knew if he didn’t try football soon, he would miss the window of learning the fundamentals and the life lessons it teaches.  “Maybe he’ll take to it and really find something he enjoys!” I thought.  However, his mom and I braced ourselves for the worse and seeminly inevitable “I hate football and want to quit” and the crying when he got tackled, and worse, the other kids (and parents) ridiculing him (and us) over his behavior.  I talked to the man who would be his coach and explained our situation; he was a seasoned coach who understood the predicament, and I was comfortable that he could handle him well.  We signed him up and begin mentally preparing ourselves and Jackson for the challenges to come.

In an effort to help him gain some conditioning, he and I (and his brothers) went on a run-streak starting in early June.  Our deal was that we walked/ran 1 mile every day for 30 days, and at the end of thirty days I would give them $30 each.  The caveat was that they must complete the full 30 days, so they couldn’t quit at some point and collect a portion of their earnings – it was $30 or bust.  Jackson was the only one of his brothers who completed the streak with me, and by the end of the month he was running the whole mile!  Now I know that running a mile a day wouldn’t prepare him for stardom, but I wanted to do something that would give him a fighting chance.  While there were days it was a battle (and many when I felt like he was giving less than his best effort), I was proud of him for sticking with it and completing the streak.

Jackson looked forward to his first practices.  The first week or two is mostly conditioning and getting used to equipment.  He always told us he was looking forward to practice, and never gave us a hard time about going.  This was a small victory in and of itself.  His effort at practice was, in my estimation, lacking.  I was not a great athlete, heck, I wasn’t even a good athlete – so I wasn’t expecting the apple to fall far from the tree, but I do expect my boys to give their best effort, and I just wasn’t seeing it.  However, he was showing up, following direction, and participating as well as most of the other boys.

Every football coach knows there are some kids where football just isn’t for them.  This usually materializes fairly quickly in the second or third week of practices when contact begins.  There is the kid that cries endlessly. There is the kid who does everything he can to avoid contact.  When Jackson’s team started contact, about half the players were new to football, so the coaches did a good job of easing them in.  I was reassured.

Jackson is one of the smaller boys on his team; I was expecting him to cower from the contact, but what surprised me that he wasn’t giving even close to his all at sprints, running, and other fitness drills; he was half-assing it.  He didn’t do awful in tackling drills, but I heard his whimpers when I did see his practices (I was coaching his brother for the first hour of his practices), and mom informed me on more than one occasion that he was not having a good practice.  At the end of practice they ran sprints up and down the sideline and around the goal, then stop, then sprint again.  Jackson was always one of the last, usually staying with guys who had 90’s on their jerseys (these are often the husky kids).

I’ve worked hard on not criticizing his performance (though I have a long ways to go), and I’ve stopped punishing him over his pitfalls in sports – I’ve stuck with the mantra that this (sport) is for him and not me.  He should be having fun – I don’t want him to hate the game/sport (and in my mind losing things you really enjoy to do things you may not enjoy is not a recipe for positive reinforcement).  I want him to love sports, to have fun, to gain fitness, to learn life lessons, to meet new people and make new friends.

His mom and I watch from the sidelines as he’s jogging while all the other kids are sprinting, and he’s back-peddling as the opposing linemen is pushing him back – I’m disappointed in his effort.  But again, I have to remind myself that I won’t punish him for sports.  Instead, I would talk to him about his effort, only to hear him tell me he’s trying his hardest, and that he cried because that tackle hurt, and so on.

After a few weeks of practice, his team had a scrimmage.  The coach finally put him in for the last minute where he saw 2 snaps.  He had no idea what to do, or was most likely scared to do what he knew he was supposed to do.  He embarrassed himself, and was lucky not to get hurt.  The next week he gave the same effort, and one night I watched a practice where I reached my limit with watching his effort.  I consider myself a hard-working man and a good dad; I was embarrassed of his level of ‘effort’ (and tired and frustrated with other things in my life), and so I berated him after practice.  I was angry, upset, and hurt that he just wasn’t trying hard enough.  Now, I could go into detail here, but I don’t need to – he was giving the least amount of effort possible – he was just showing up.  I said a lot of things on that ride home I’m ashamed of, I hurt him with my words; his brother, a passenger, was upset at me, his mom – who was waiting at home – was hurt and angry at me.  I was angry at me, I was hurt that I hurt him.  I was a frustrated dad who was running out of answers – how do I motivate this child?

I fear raising a child who will be unemployable, one who will rely on the kindness of others just to get by.  I fear my child not becoming a positive, contributing member of society.  I’d rather be hard on him and he hates my guts when he’s grown then to give him a pass and let him be a quitter who doesn’t give the effort required in this life.  I love him and want what is best for him, I am not afraid to be the bad guy when I’m backed into a corner – but on this night, I went too far.

In the second and last preseason game.  Jackson did not play, not a minute.  He stood there on the sideline in his pristine uniform.  He did pay attention the whole game, and even cheered when his team scored.  This was an improvement; his previous game he just kicked the grass and walked around not even showing the slightest interest in the game going on.  His mom, brothers and I sat and cheered on his team.  The dad in me wanted to shout “get my boy in (I’m not here to watch these other kids)!” – the coach and father in me knew the truth; putting him in would be dangerous for him and the other boys on the field; He still doesn’t know his assignment, he would run in and potentially be unaware or out of position and get hurt or get someone else hurt.  This had happened in practice when he was being blocked and was back peddling when a receiver who was running his route, crashed into him violently.  More than anything, rewarding his behavior would show him he could half-ass practices and still see the field on game day.

I started encouraging my boys to keep goal journals (okay, I make them fill them out once a week).  They write one school goal and one football goal.  I want to show them to work towards tiny goals to get a lot better over time.  I asked Jackson if he wants to go through the practices (which typically aren’t super fun), and then stand there on the sidelines on game day – he answers with a resounding no.  Jackson wants to play.  He still looks forward to practices, and really looks forward to games (though he’s played a total of 2 snaps in 2 preseason games) Hell, his mom and I want to watch him play in games.  But I can’t fault his coach, and I can’t fault his parents – as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, and we’ve done that.  He is 11, and the effort is up to him, he will sink or swim when it comes to football, and for that matter, other things in his life.  Only he can choose to do the work to become successful, or live the life of someone who won’t.

The last 2 Sundays, we’ve lined up his 8 year old brother against him and go through some additional tackling practice to help him get accustomed to the contact and have faith in the tackling skills he’s learned.  I encourage him, and talk to him about working hard, about giving the effort for his teammates, coaches, and family.  I remain hopeful and faithful to the fact that being consistent and letting him earn his way will make him a better man someday – even if that means mom and I have to root for his teammates while he stands on the sidelines.

In youth sports, children often get participation trophies.  In life, there are few rewards for people who show up and participate – and I desperately want him to learn that lesson.  It is hard to watch, and the dad in me is shouting for him to see some playing time – but life comes first – he has to work harder to be rewarded.

My eight year old participated in the 2015 University of Southern Mississippi Youth Football Camp. Below is a summary of the good and bad experiences that he (as a participant), and me (as a dad) took away from the experience.

Disclaimers:

• I’m neutral about Southern Miss, neither a devotee nor detractor. I’m not star-struck by the name on the jerseys or the coaching staff. While I respect the coaches for what they do, it’s not a fan experience for me. Instead, I wanted my boy to have a good experience that ingrains a further love for football, fitness, and that will give him a favorable memory of his childhood. Further, I was hoping he’d learn something that would make him a better football player.
• This is our first year on the camp scene – I don’t have much to compare our experiences against.  My only other comparison was the Florida State University youth football camp, which I wrote about here.

Why we chose USM Football Camp: After my son’s camp at Florida State, we were anxious to try another camp out. This camp fit the criteria of 1)within driving distance to our home 2)affordable 3)reputable and 4)It fit our schedule.  Since his mom and I both work full time, and we have a family vacation planned in the near future, we needed to find a camp that wouldn’t require us to miss work.

About USM Camp:

• Location: Hattiesburg, Mississippi (USM football athletic facilities)
• Ages:  3rd – 8th graders
• Dates: Monday June 15th 9a – 5p
• Cost: $50
• Camp Details:
  • 8a-9a: Registration
  • 9:30a-9:45a: Group picture
  • 9:45a-1p: Football Drills
  • 1p-2p: lunch (catered by Jimmy Johns)
  • 2p-5p: Football Drills
  • 5p-530: Awards & camper dismissal
• What each camper had to bring
  • workout gear and football cleats
• What they didn’t tell us to bring: they covered all the bases

Things that made this experience great

• I was easily able to register my camper; contact information was readily available (more on this below under “things that would make the experience better”)
• Facilities were impressive at this mid-major program.  The boys got to spend the first couple of hours in the stadium
• The coaches were very approachable and nice to the campers
• Parents could view the entirety of the camp, or had the option to leave their camper to the care of the staff.  I dropped my camper off then came back late in the afternoon to view the last couple hours.
• Instruction from USM coaching staff
• The boys were told they could ask for a water/bathroom/other break anytime they wanted.  They were not expected to “tough it out”.
• Everyone got a group photo of all the kids and the coaching staff
• There were only 15-20 kids per age group.  This was a manageable group for the kids to break into and still be involved and coachable.  More than that, the coaches moved quickly and had multiple kids involved in each drill. Several coaching stations were set up and the kids were rotated every 20 minutes or so to keep things moving along and fresh.

Things that would make the experience better

• The presentation of the website was good, as you might expect from a mid-major university.  However, there was not a detailed camp schedule.  This concerned my little camper, as this was only his second football summer camp, and it would’ve been helpful for him to know what to expect.  I told him what I knew: we’ll register, he’ll do drills and then eat lunch then do more drills.  We drove 3 hours to get to the camp (we stayed Sunday night in a hotel then drove home Monday evening).  I did some work from the hotel, so It would’ve been nice if I would’ve known the schedule so I would’ve known when events were occurring that may interest me.
• When I did have a question, I emailed the contact and did not receive a response.  I registered my camper on Friday morning and the camp began the following Monday – perhaps my lateness was a reason.  However, it could’ve been a good reason for me not to register.
• Learning from our previous experience at FSU, we showed up at 8am for registration – this was a mistake.  We simply had to wait for an hour until all the other campers showed up.  We were “entertained” with football videos from you tube that weren’t even specific to the university.  At a minimum, perhaps they could’ve played highlights from USM season/s.
• Pictures- while the group picture was great, it would’ve been a nice personal touch if the coach/es would’ve taken an individual picture with each kid – perhaps as we waiting watching YouTube videos for an hour.  Or they could’ve taken the kids measurements (what parent doesn’t want memorabilia to save on the height, weight, wing-span, vertical jump, et cetera).
• Camper Safety – When we picked him up, we simply met him and left after checkout – nobody checked to see who he left with. Perhaps I’m a bit hypersensitive or I’ve watched too much Dateline, but what’s to keep someone with bad intentions showing up and leaving with a child?
• The awards ceremony was a bit unorganized and the kids were impatient and a little rowdy, especially at the end

Here is some feedback from my boy:

• The coaches didn’t curse – my 8 year old was taken back by the language of a couple coaches of the FSU camp.
• They had to stop the camp at 4:30 due to lightning.  My boy was happy they got everyone in and away from the lightning.
• “I liked the USM football camp becuse the coaches were nice.  In 2016 i would like to go there again!”
• “I realy like that football camp!” “thank you!”

Thanks for reading.  We really enjoyed this one day camp and look forward to attending again in 2016!

For three hot days, my eight year old participated in the 2015 Florida State University Youth Football Camp.  Below is a summary of the good and bad experiences that he (as a participant), and me (as a dad) took away from the experience.

Disclaimers:

• I’m neutral about Florida State, neither a devotee nor detractor. I’m not star-struck by the name on the jerseys or the coaching staff. While I respect the coaches for what they do, it’s not a fan experience for me. Instead, I wanted my boy to have a good experience that ingrains a further love for football, fitness, and that will give him a favorable memory of his childhood. Further, I was hoping he’d learn something that would make him a better football player.
• This is our first year on the camp scene – I don’t have much to compare our experiences against

Why we chose FSU Football Camp: Last college football season I was flipping through the games and stumbled upon a FSU game.  The atmosphere at Doak Walker Stadium was electric, with fans practicing their tomahawk chop – Owen’s eyes got big in a way that only children’s eyes can, as he smiled he exclaimed “What are they doing?!”  I explained this was a home game for FSU, and that the fans were doing the Tomahawk Chop.  “That’s where I want to play football!”  I filed this away, and when we began looking at football summer camps, this one was at the top of our list.

About FSU Camp:

• Location: Tallahassee, Florida (FSU football athletic facilities)
• Ages:  3rd – 8th graders
• Dates: Sunday June 7 – Tuesday June 9
• Cost: overnight campers paid $315
• Camp Details: We opted for the overnight camp.  The camp had a daily schedule that looked something like this, just shorter on first/last day.
  • 8am: Wake-up/Get Dressed/Eat
  • 9a-1p: Football Drills
  • 1p-2p: Lunch
  • 2p-5:30: More Football Drills
  • 5:30-6:30: More Eating
  • 6:30-8:30: More Drills
  • 8:30-9:30p: Watching Video
  • 10:30p: lights out
• What each overnight camper had to bring
  • Sheets, workout gear, football cleats, basketball shoes
• What they didn’t tell us to bring: snacks/drinks to put in the camper refrigerators. I didn’t think to leave a phone with my 8 year old for him to call home if he got homesick, but I wish I had. The policy said that children who got home could speak to the chaplain.

Things that made this experience great

• Great website.  I was easily able to register my camper; camp schedule and contact information was readily available
• When I did have a question, I emailed the contact and immediately received a response
• Facilities were impressive, and this wow factor is just one reason this came with a pretty hefty price tag
• Instruction from FSU coaching staff and top high school coaches
• Coaching was very organized and progressed through drills as quickly as could be expected
• Campers competed against kids they don’t normally see from all around

Things that would make the experience better

• Camper Safety – because my camper was 8, and this was his first trip from home, I was worried about him. When we picked him up, we simply met him and left after checkout – nobody checked to see who he left with. Perhaps I’m a bit hypersensitive or I’ve watched too much Dateline, but what’s to keep someone with bad intentions showing up and leaving with a child?
• Tell us to show up on time for registration – the email I got when I registered said that we should arrive “between 11a-2p for camper registration.”  Since we had to drive 3 hours to get there, this allowed us time to do that and to stop and give our boy a nice lunch before he went to camp, since lunch wasn’t part of the schedule for the first day. The result of us showing up at 1 is that we rushed around to get everything done that had to be done, all of which involved long lines:
  • Camper gets a picture with Coach Jimbo Fisher – we ran out of time for this, and was told there would be make-up times; however, we didn’t receive a picture. Like I said, I’m not a fan of the school, but I think this would’ve been a cool memoir to have.
  • Pizza – if you wanted your camper to have this special treat, you had to pay additional money.
  • Parking pass
  • Sign our camper up for a team for the 7 on 7 games (AKA ‘Nole Ball)
• Pictures- I was not there most of the camp. It would’ve been nice if they employed a photographer who took videos and pictures and posted them someplace so that they could be viewed.
• Reduce the number of kids per station/drill –there were a lot of kids to each coach, and lots of coaches; kids were doing lots of waiting for their turn to perform a drill. As a coach, I know this is something that will get you in trouble – kids get easily distracted and need to be focused to improve.

Here is some feedback from my boy:

• Two of the coaches were “mean”, and he was shocked & appalled that the coaches used foul language.  He insisted they shouldn’t curse (“especially around children), including (in his words) “The F-bomb”
• His team didn’t even make the “playoffs” – which meant on the day that I arrived to pick him up the “championship game” was going on and he was watching other kids play.

Thanks for reading.  I’ll be posting a review of our trip to the University of Southern Mississippi for their youth football camp in the near future